Grieving the BFN

BFN.   This stands for Big Fat Negative.   I started using HPTs (home pregnancy tests) as soon as I arrived back in the states.   At first there was a faint positive, due to the Pregnyl shot which is part of the protocol (this contains HCG, the hormone measured on HPTs).   That second line disappeared last week and never returned.   I called my doctor so I could get a blood test done sooner and not this Thursday, and sure enough got the news today it is negative.  I want to note clearly however, this result is very likely due to me and not the clinic.    I have thyroid antibodies, possibly not fully supressed by prednisone, still awaiting results from bloodwork taken last week.   And I elected to transfer 1 instead of the recommended 2 embryos.

I am grieving intensely, it is not quite so bad but feels very similar to my miscarriages.   I loved that little embie, plain and simple, and I wish desperately that it had lived.    I am, however,  so grateful to have frosties to return to, and I have sent off e-mails to Sueivftraveler, to schedule an FET for August, if my work schedule & uterus will allow.   This time it will be no tourism, just plane train and automobile get to Brno and get the job done.    And I will transfer as many as they allow if they survive the thaw, and take what risks may come……


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