Sorry, it has been months since I’ve had a chance to update my post!! I spent so long trying to get and stay pregnant, I had forgotten – purposefully blocked out – all that goes along with preparing for a new baby. Despite this being an incredibly easy pregnancy, it has been hard to trust that it is all really happening. I had to work hard to summon the energy to set up a nursery, complete a registry, tour the hospital, submit request for maternity leave, and everything else that needs to be done. But I’m finally over the disbelief that I’m actually having a baby – a little boy!! Now that I’m in the third trimester, it all seems to be going so fast! I feel his kicks and hiccups and somersaults all the time, it’s the best sensation in the world. His name is chosen – Andrew, after my grandfather – we’ll call him Drew. The closet and drawers are starting to fill with tiny clothing.
My friends threw the most lovely baby shower for me last weekend, and packages keep arriving from far-away friends & family who could not attend. I am utterly amazed by their generosity, I can barely fit all the stuff into the nursery! Everyone knows my story, all about the travel and the donors and my previous attempts and losses. I cannot explain how miraculous of a sensation it was to just feel ‘normal’ at my baby shower. Finally it was my turn, I was not sitting in the back of the room heartbroken. And no one thinks twice about how this baby came to be, they look forward to him with nothing but love and acceptance. The only thing unusual was how over-the-top they were with gifts, an acknowledgement of the hard work and expense and long wait we endured to bring this baby to be. I am so blessed. When I look at that massive pile of gifts, I do no see ‘stuff’ I only see the abundance of good friends.
I’m desperately trying to finish up paperwork and projects at work. I’m a special education teacher, and as much as I look forward to leave, I will miss ‘my (other) boys’ a great deal. There is an insane amount of paperwork that I don not want to leave to my substitute, and so much to prepare to make sure my students continue to be successful while I’m gone. My nights and weekends are unfortunately filled with writing IEPs and behavior support plans and instructional programs….. ugh. Somehow it will all fall together though, and I will be able to let go and focus on my own little guy for a while.
My husband and I were talking yesterday, and discovered we both had the same feelings about little Drew. The knowledge that he was created with donors is very present. Yet it still feels like he’s a product of ‘us’. Our hard work, our perseverance, our love, and the sense that he is already being influenced by us as parents. It is a strange yet very comfortable feeling. We’re anxiously counting the days and hours until we get to meet him!! Less than 7 weeks to go!!!