The good news is – Yes! Yes you can! Couples who are experiencing fertility problems can most certainly celebrate Valentine’s Day. I know, I know, it’ almost nauseating isn’t it? The oversized stuffed animals, the candy, the chocolate, the cute little baby outfits, with matching shoes, and hearts.
There are many other holidays that are tough for many of us to wade through and V-Day can seem like just another holiday to avoid.
But – aside from all of the poking, prodding, scans, visits to your clinic, injections, sleepless nights, and worry it’s a day that you can just be with your partner – and be as we say “just us” and to say to hell with fertility –even for a day.
We hear it over and over – infertility takes a toll on the best of relationships. As we dive into the abyss of infertility we don’t always believe this – we feel indestructible in the beginning. However, as time goes by we sometimes begin to feel crazy, we wonder if our feelings are normal, and yes, its almost inevitable that infertility can strain even the most solid of relationships. It’s just the nature of the beast. And while we know that infertility treatments are going to be hard and some days kick our ass we can’t lose track and sight of who we are and the other person who we wake up with each day.
How did I get through Valentine’s Day during my TTC (trying to conceive) days?
I sought help. No really I did. I asked my friends and family to make sure we were both busy. I didn’t want my partner and me to be alone. I also knew that both of us were not going to be at our best and didn’t have any expectations. We were going to just “be” on Valentine’s Day and not expect the world from one another.
We had great sex — I mean great sex. There were no charts. No timers. No pillows under my hips. We drank wine. We ate cheese. There was whip cream, candles, and blind folds. We watched porn – and we cavorted like we did when we were dating – we were loud, we laughed and most importantly we had fun – fun, fun, fun, lots of fun! We returned to how we were so many years before all of the infertility problems began.
We were in tune with one another – on the same radio station. We asked each other of what the other needed – we were mindful of each other’s feelings. Much like when we were on our best behavior when we were first dating. It was nice.
We kept in mind that Valentine’s Day was like other hard holidays – Christmas, Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. It was only for a day and like all other holidays it would pass. We realized that for this Valentine’s Day we weren’t parents and not in the place we envisioned ourselves to be. But we also knew we were planners and that our goal this time the following year would be that were parents – and you know what we were!
So be kind to yourself and to the one you love today – and from Global IVF to you, Happy Valentine’s Day.