A Husband’s Perspective on Female Infertility

When you’re told you can’t get pregnant.

In 2005, my wife received a message no woman ever wants to hear, “I’m sorry. You cannot have children.”

Infertility is a growing epidemic. It’s not on the same level as Diabetes, Strokes or Obesity, but I suspect in a few decades it will. According to the Center for Disease Control (CDC), about 10 % of women (6.1 million) in the United States ages 15–44 have difficulty getting pregnant or staying pregnant. This is in the US alone. The world is big. I’d like to see fertility pundits take a stab at the global number of infertile couples.

What causes infertility?
Your guess is as good as mine. Reproductive Endocrinologists make his/her best scientific assumptions about the cause of infertility, but the prognosis for each of us is different. When I wanted specific answers to my questions, our RE tried his best to answer them.

In my research the past 7 years dealing with this horrid disease, IVF experts and patients themselves list a myriad of causes such as:  stress, diet, male factor, endo, fibroids, cysts, decreased egg quality, age, etc…This list is small, I know. The real problem is that no one knows what causes female infertility.

So what to do?
Educate yourself. Read success stories to give you hope. Read quotes, Psalms, and anything that lifts your spirits. Get rid of negative people and circumstances. Lastly, never give power to someone or something over your decision to continue trying.

Our journey for a baby began with the desire to start a family. We lost hope when a doctor told us we couldn’t have children. Those closest to us knew nothing about our burning wish and dream to be parents, so hardly anyone understood our pain. The pool of people who knew of other means was limited. With little direction, I put on my research cap and scoured the Internet.

One thing I immediately found was validation of every bad feeling I had deep down inside in the plethora of heart wrenching stories others freely shared with the world. Hardly encouraging to say the least. Hope did reside in ways every infertile couple knows  IUI‘s and in vitro fertilization (IVF). Two terms in which I had no knowledge of.

Medical advice/suggestions, blogs, and discussion forums from yearning parents creates a support system every infertile couple needs. “Huh, what is this all about?” I thought. As a man/husband, searching for IVF information through discussion boards, I quickly learned men were absent. In most cases, I posted and continue to do so, positive and encouraging comments to the women. I’m still unsure if it sends a mixed signal to the yearning mothers, but I continue to do so with a heavy heart.

I leave you with this, despite the overwhelming pain for the longing dream in your heart, do not give up! One day, you will look your child in the eyes. Will you have the courage to tell them, “I almost gave up on you.”

 
 

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